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Joke of the Day

"Me: My flight was canceled so I won't be home until tomorrow. Her: but you said you were just going out for milk."

"What do you get when you cross dancing and an act of god? Deus Ex Macarena"

"Did you hear about the gay football coach? He turns tight ends into wide receivers"

"It would be nice to have a second button beside the 'snooze' that emails your boss that you aren't coming in today."

"I'm trying to channel my inner Kubrick for my next porno. I'm calling it ""A Cockwork Orange""."

"Blind Girl If a blind girl tells you your manhood is massive... ...she's probably pulling your leg."

"Why do men die before their wives? They *want* to"

"Autocorrect changed ""baby rattle"" to ""baby battle"" and now I'm googling where to buy tiny weapons."

"If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian... then soviet"

"I've just opened a casino for dogs where they can play roulette, poker blackjack etc... They'll have to go outside for craps though."