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Joke of the Day

"free space program idea: when you bring a spaceship back to earth land it on a huge seesaw and launch another ship off the other side"

"Recent study shows that masturbating twice weekly increases life expectancy by 20%. I've done the maths. I am immortal."

"Somewhere, a ninja watches ""I Didn't Know I was Pregnant."" An imperceptible smile creeps across his lips. ""Damn right you didn't."""

"My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that but it's also terrible."

"Listen kids, money's tight. So when I make you balloon animals you should say 'thank you' and not complain about the lubricant."

"Justin Bieber isn't gay he just likes to get his cheekbones blown out."

"Susan broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine."

"In the divorce court today an 85-year old farmer divorced his 17-year old wife, claiming he could not keep his hands off her. He has since fired all of his hands and bought a combine harvester."

"What do you call an epileptic puppy? Kibbles 'n Fits."

"A candle is my girlfriend... She is very hot"