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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a pick pocket and a pedophile? The pickpocket snatches watches. * * * * * The pedophile watches snatches"

"Some people are here for laughs. Some for therapy. Some for sex. Me? I'm here to learn the difference between your and you're."

"Round Sheep A farmer asked me ""Can you help me round up my sheep?"" I said ""How many have you got?"" He said ""78"" I said ""we will call that 80!"""

"5% of America thinks we're doing well. The other 95% thinks we could do gooder."

"If I got $1 every time someone called me a racist... Black people would rob me"

"TIFU I'm like a 4/10 and she was a total 9."

"DOCTOR: At a guess, how much alcohol do you drink in a day? ME: Hardly any D: That's excellent ME [swigs vodka] But I'm a terrible guesser"

"The only way Congress will ever pass common sense gun control is if they're threatened at gunpoint"

"[my laboratory] ME: I'VE DONE IT! MOUSE WITH EAR GROWING ON IT'S BACK: Holy crap keep it down."

"I entered what I ate for lunch into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself."