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Joke of the Day

"My friend was quite a colorful character... His name was Hugh"

"I hate when interviewers ask ""why do you want this job?"" So many responses run through my head, but I don't want to sound unprofessional by saying ""because I need the fucking money."""

"If you know how many calories are in your donut, you're not eating it right."

"A young nun is sewing a hole in a sock... ...when she pricks her finger with the needle. - Shit! - Crap, I said shit! - Damn, I said crap! - Aw, fuck it. I never wanted to become a nun, anyways."

"Either the kids on my street were playing with sidewalk chalk, or this is a crime scene and a bunch of stars and cats just got murdered."

"Give 100% in everything you do Except giving blood"

"H: Gross! Stop peeing in the shower! Me: Why? Everybody pees in the shower. H: Yeah but you're not in it right now, I am."

"What do you tell your wife with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice."

"I was telling people about my Mona Lisa joke... but I wasn't getting much of a smile about it."

"What does a black policeman says when he looks in the mirror GET DOWN ON THE GROUND"