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Joke of the Day

"Im going to change my name on Facebook to ""Benefits"", so that when you add me it will say, ""You are now friends with benefits"""

"What kind of sweets do trucks like? Lorrypops."

"I wish people would move over a bit in their selfies. We're redecorating a bathroom and looking for ideas."

"You know what's fun to do in Ohio? ... Pack up and get the fuck out."

"Oscar Pistorius gets six years jail. Jail, then home detention, and back to jail. Wow, for someone with no legs he's covering a lot of ground."

"What do you call a New Zealander with a sheep under each arm? A pimp."

"I buy my shoes three sizes too big so if I run into a clown posse I'll have automatic street cred."

"She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed"

"Just met a HOT girl So I just met this hot girl. Problem is she had 12 nipples. Sounds weird.... Dozen Tit?"

"What do you get when you cross a mountain-climber with a mosquito? Nothing, you can't cross a scaler with a vector."