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Joke of the Day

"I'd like to give it up to sidewalks for keeping me off the streets."

"What did the the Jamaican daddy spice say to his son when he was being bad? Your a cinnamon"

"I decided to jerk off right in front of my blind girlfriend last night She didn't see it coming."

"Me: I can't believe that they're still together after all the shit they have been through! Friend: Who? Me: My ass cheeks. I've got a bad case of diarrhea!"

"[Wife finds me crying on kitchen floor] Me: I fell & spilled honey on myself. Wife: Me: Will you ki Wife: I'm not kissing your Honey Boo Boo"

"I'm always sad when I see a homeless person or someone with a Blackberry."

"Why did the dry cleaners get shut down? The owner was arrested for money laundry-ing"

"Healthy human blood must be a low-carb meal... Because it's the most-keto diet."

"How do you get a hippie to jump off a cliff? Tell them it will ""cleanse toxins."""

"Oedipus? I hate that motherfucker"