148776

Joke of the Day

"Happy Fathers Day to all you mother fuckers!"

"[God is taking a nap] Prankster Angel: Um yea hi, Abraham? This is God. *trying super hard not to laugh* You need to kill your son."

"Every time I have a big bowel movement I say thank you to my digestive system. For putting up with my shit."

"Why did the Sheikh cross the road? To get to the other wife."

"China is now entering sperm as contestants in Olympic swimming events, claiming they are of age."

"What's the difference between a hooker, a lover and a housewife? A hooker says ""Faster! faster!"" A lover says ""Slower....slooower..."" A housewife says ""Beige. I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."""

"[puts baby in highchair] Ohhh HIGH chair, I get it. That explains why all you do is eat, sleep & drool you stupid little stoner."

"How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They just beat the room for being black. (Just an old one I knew, not sure how common..)"

"It's six. Six raccoons. Six raccoons is the amount of raccoons that will make me turn around and walk down a different street. Six."

"I asked the guy from 127 Hours for help with my homework. He said, ""I would give you a hand, but I'm stumped."" I'll show myself out."