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Joke of the Day

"It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it."

"Santa used to work alone and was overwhelmed, but one day his life changed. He read an elf-help book. The only problem is, now he has to pay elf-employment tax."

"You know you are Canadian when 0c and sunny is beautiful warm day..."

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh What do you call a crocodile with no eyes? A crocodle. What do you call an Indian with no eyes? A blind man you fucking idiot."

"where did Marry go after the explosion? everywhere"

"When I'm looking for a parking spot I turn the radio down because clearly I can see better when it's quieter..."

"[jail] INMATE: so what are ya in for? BIG BAD WOLF: well I huffed and I puffed and then I got nabbed for possession INMATE: goddam pigs"

"Kinda hard to feel sorry for myself when there's people out there who wax our private areas for a living."

"Critics of Islam are advocating the use of pages of the Quran as toilet paper which brings into question ones own wisdom for whipping ones arse with bullshit."

"*runs in out of breath* Friend: what's going on? Me: [heavy breathing] bear with me Friend: Ok *waits* *bear runs in, also out of breath*"