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Joke of the Day

"[jail] INMATE: so what are ya in for? BIG BAD WOLF: well I huffed and I puffed and then I got nabbed for possession INMATE: goddam pigs"

"Why can't you see Hippos hiding in trees? Because they're good at it."

"My neighbor obviously doesn't watch porn, she asked me to fix her sink 2 hours ago and I'm still fixing her sink"

"Girlfriends are like Gym Memberships You have it, you just never pay attention to it."

"The TSA doesn't take compliments well... All I said was that the TSA was the **BOMB** and they wouldn't let me leave!"

"I try not to tweet about things I'm doing incase it gets taken out of context, but this cock is delicious!"

"My doctor just told me I'm suffering from paranoia. Well he didn't actually say that, but I could tell it was what he was thinking."

"Why are gay guy's houses so clean? Because they are so anal!"

"What do you call a robot with bad breath who's sister lives on its foot? HAL-i-toe-sis"

"If someone tries to assassinate Trump what will the secret service shout? ""Donald, duck"""