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Joke of the Day

"kid, we've been tracking your performance on the self checkout... you're the best we've ever seen. we'd like you to become our head cashier"

"If a blind girl tells you that you've got a big penis... She's probably just pulling your leg."

"Off to the DMV. Time for new license pic. Gonna be really drunk for it. If i ever get pulled over the cop will think i always look like that"

"I just started a new band called 'Blankets and Duvets' We've already been called the best cover band of all time"

"Does anybody know if Maternity Wards are open today?"

"Say what you will about hitler... At least he killed 6 million Jews"

"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito."

"MOM: Story time ME: Yay! MOM: it's called ""The Little Engine that Could, but doesn't cuz he's a little shit that won't move out"" ME: mom?"

"Stevie Wonder... I don't see what his problem is!"

"I knew I was destined to be a psychologist not a magician... ...when I pulled a habit out of a rat."