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Joke of the Day

"kid, we've been tracking your performance on the self checkout... you're the best we've ever seen. we'd like you to become our head cashier"

"What do you call an alien that's also a pedophile? An Extramolestrial"

"How many Protestants does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They live in eternal darkness."

"What do you do if your daughter gets dirty in the laundry room? You washer and dryer."

"I heard a backwards symphony coming from Beethoven's grave Turns out he's decomposing"

"How do you differentiate a basic bitch from a bad bitch? You pour phenolphthalein on her and watch it turn pink."

"Just saw a dog with three legs. He did have a fourth leg, but he also had three legs."

"What did the fish say when it rammed into a wall? Dam!"

"Change sentence to tense? Teacher: Change this sentence into Future Tense, ""I killed a person"" . Student: The Future tense is ""You will go to a jail"""

"Don't put words in my mouth...my foot is already in there."