94699

Joke of the Day

"I heard a backwards symphony coming from Beethoven's grave Turns out he's decomposing"

"If Steve Rogers was a drink, what drink would he be? An Iced Cap"

"My dick was once in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me to take it out."

"Apparently Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door, but his girlfriend was dead against it."

"My Wife wears some very revealing shirts. Today's shirt says 'Nick's ATM code is 1234' on it."

"If a man says he is going to fix something he will. There is no need for a women to ask every 6 months about it"

"SOME DUDE IN A LAB IS WORKING ON BRINGING THE PTERODACTYL BACK TO LIFE SO ENJOY THOSE EVENING STROLLS WHILE YOU CAN!"

"One thing my dogs and I have in common is that we never want me to go to work."

"The more fanciful embroidery you have on the back pockets of your jeans, the less I value you as a person."

"I played Lady Gaga at Texas hold 'em. I lost because I fucking suck at cards."