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Joke of the Day

"Tower: What's your heigth and position? Pilot: Well I'm 6 foot tall and I'm sitting front left."

"Any shampoo can be volume control shampoo if you cram the bottle directly into your kids mouth"

"What do snowmen eat for lunch ? Icebergers !"

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean."

"The flower had an unexpected pregnancy... So it went to Plant Parenthood."

"*rings doorbell* hmm... not sure if it rang *waits 2 hours before ringing again so I don't seem impatient*"

"[on date] Ok, don't let her know ur a vampire. Her: I think I'll have a steak. A STAKE?? [turns into bat and flies away]"

"I needed a password 8 characters long .. .. so I used Snow White and the Seven Dwarves"

"""To hell with it, thats good enough."" - every person after theyve ever tried to iron a shirt. Ever."

"[At the first thanksgiving] Pilgrims: Im thankful for the land you gave us Natives: we didnt give you land? Pilgrims: *winks at the camera*"