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Joke of the Day

"[on date] Ok, don't let her know ur a vampire. Her: I think I'll have a steak. A STAKE?? [turns into bat and flies away]"

"[speed dating] Me: Periods. Her: Huh? Me: Do they go inside the quotation mark or outside? Her: In the US or the UK? Me: Let's get married."

"What do you call it when you smoke weed and work out at the same time? Getting all high and mighty"

"The letter R is just the letter P showing off some leg."

"What did the cannibal order at the bakery? Cinnamon buns."

"What did the white guy see when he looked at his family tree? A straight line."

"The cat's in the cradle....OMG. It ate the baby."

"i dont think anyone quotes mlk more than white people who were just accused of racism themselves"

"How do you get an Indian girl pregnant? Poppadom."

"Q: What do you say to a vampire when he graduates from college? A: Coagulations!"