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Joke of the Day

"If you think marijuana doesn't kill you've obviously never read the bible. People getting stoned to death left and right."

"Wife: did you know there's an ""I hate Jeff"" group that meets in the park? Me: yes I started it I am the president"

"Teacher: What is Ba + Na2? Pupil: Banana."

"How bacteria stay in contact while they're in jail? They exchange cell numbers."

"What do they tell Soviet children who want to achieve their dreams? Shoot for the Tsars."

"According to my iPhone 6, I could commit a heinous crime, without using gloves, and have a different fingerprint just minutes later"

"Why can't accountants get library cards? They're book-keepers."

"A newbie at work asked me if I knew where the coloured printer was. I said ""It's 2016, Jamal, you can use any printer you want"""

"How do you know if your friend, ""Doesn't even OWN a TV?"" Because it's this answer to every question you ask them. ""Did you hear about the President's new policy on...?"" ""I don't even OWN a TV!"""

"SOUND GUY: [taps microphone] this is a test, testing, testing...1, 2, 3.. MICROPHONE: [sweatig profusley] OH GOD, UH. FOUR?!! FOUR, IS IT FOUR"