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Joke of the Day

"A newbie at work asked me if I knew where the coloured printer was. I said ""It's 2016, Jamal, you can use any printer you want"""

"Today I thanked my toilet, because it puts up with my shit everyday."

"Do you know how do you spell Mississippi with one I? *Covers left eye* M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I"

"What do you get if you share your Earbuds with all your friends? Hearing AIDS."

"My girl friend is a sex object. When I ask for sex, she objects."

"If at first you don't succeed, it's called 'Attempted' Murder."

"The reason your car won't go over 60 in the city is because you haven't yelled ""HOLD ON!"" yet."

"Two muffins are sitting in an oven... The first muffin looks over and goes ""man, it's really hot in here."" The second muffin replies ""HOLY SHIT! A TALKING MUFFIN!"""

"INTERVIEWER: what's your greatest strength? ME: I'm good at untying knots INTERVIEWER: oh thank god can u get these running shoes off of me?"

"I've been considering studying abroad... ...but I'm afraid she might notice."