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Joke of the Day

"SOUND GUY: [taps microphone] this is a test, testing, testing...1, 2, 3.. MICROPHONE: [sweatig profusley] OH GOD, UH. FOUR?!! FOUR, IS IT FOUR"

"What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches."

"What do you call Jewish folk that died from agent orange? *german accent* Orange Juice"

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? I've never paid to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"Why did Dave Grohl buy such a tall house? He wanted to make sure he was getting the best, the best, the best, the best-a view."

"No thanks, Winter Olympics. If I wanted to see a bunch of white people playing in the snow, I'd hop on over to Facebook."

"Why are pirates so fat? They eat too many cAAARRRRRbs."

"Why is the moon so grumpy? It's just going through one of its phases."

"[dad accidentally steps on the dog] I'm sorry girl, I didn't see you. Are you ok? [dad accidentally steps on me] Why are you on the floor?!"

"I think women are fantastic Every man should own several!"