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Joke of the Day

"Funny, this warrant doesn't feel so outstanding."

"took the kids to the park so they could beat each other up in the fresh air"

"What do you call a deer with no eyes no eye deer (i'll see myself out)"

"What famous actor costs an arm & a leg to hire? ARMold SchwarzenLEGger"

"Fruit: often disappointing. Salad: always disappointing. Fruit salad: meets expectations."

"If I exit the bathroom stall singing ""Break On Through (To The Other Side)"", it's best to avoid shaking my hand."

"Do you know how to tell your ass from a hole in the ground? Stick your finger in and try to walk away."

"The thing I most look forward to after Christmas is taking down the decorations and, for 4 minutes, it feeling like I live in a mansion."

"6-year-old: Where did the tornado go? Me: Don't worry. It's gone. 6: To where? Me: It just disappeared 6: Isn't that a little bit fishy?"

"What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhino? The Nobel Prize in Genetics."