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Joke of the Day
"Funny, this warrant doesn't feel so outstanding."
Next Joke
"[william shakespeare as an 8yo] dad: bedtime william: dost thou not... dad: [interrupting] STOP TALKING LIKE THAT!"
"What do you call a black man that flies a plane? A pilot you fucking racist."
"I bet if Amy Winehouse had changed her name to Amy Lemonadehouse, she'd still be alive today."
"How did pinocchio find out that he was made out of wood? His hand caught fire."
"How do People in New Orleans have their beer? Watered Down"
"Should I include ""hard working and honest"" in my resume? Applying for a software engineer's role at Volkswagen."
"Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don't realize how bad it is for their health.....until I'm choking them"
"My wife is terrified of thunderstorms. The banging outside the window is horrendous, but if we let her in she'll just get the dog all wet."
"*Lady gives balloon to my son* ME: What do u say? SON: I WILL CRUSH MY ENEMIES ME: *nervous laughter* No, the other thing SON: Oh. Thank you"