146517

Joke of the Day

"I heard a 7 year old tell this amazing joke the other day. What is Mario's favorite material? Denim denim denim! *musical*"

"If a beagle can't play a bugle in the marching band what's his other favorite instrument to play? A trombone."

"To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, You can hide, but you can't run."

"There was a fire yesterday at my local thrift store A person died of secondhand smoke"

"Humans have 46 chromosomes, peas 6 and crayfish 200. You're clearly not that complicated."

"What does Jeb Bush say on the toilet? Please crap"

"""Hi I can't remember the name of this actress.You know her, she's in that movie you saw. She's got that hair."" -actual message from my mom"

"Wife: Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite! Me: Haha funny. [under the mattress] Bed Bug King: TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL *tiny drums bang*"

"I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind man. Then my stupid boss told me I'll never be a bus driver again."

"So Bruce Jenner might have been texting... Does this make him a transtextual? ....I'll see my way out"