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Joke of the Day

"My daughter may only be one year old today, but she retrieves beer from the fridge at a fourth grade level."

"What do you call batman when he misses church? Christian Bail"

"How to make Holy Water.. You boil the hell out of it."

"NASA: what makes u qualified for our mission to mars? ME: i desperately want to be shot into deep space, where there are definitely no geese"

"""You, the horse you rode in on AND the horses mother!"" ""What about the horses father?"" ""I already mentioned YOU once!"""

"What do you call a black person that can fly a plane? A pilot, you racist fucks. P.S Wasn't that well received in anti-jokes, so I figured it might work better here."

"A guy walks into a Kinkos and asks, ""Do you have any colored printers?"" To which the clerk responds, ""It's 2016 man. You can use any printer you want."""

"I'm 5'5"" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things."

"She has a rye sense of humor & great buns. I'm her hero, although I don't have much dough. I can't wheat to see her! I'm in loaf."

"How does Bono spell ""color""? With or without ""u"""