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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a black person that can fly a plane? A pilot, you racist fucks. P.S Wasn't that well received in anti-jokes, so I figured it might work better here."

"What tastes good on pizza but not on pussy? Crust"

"LSD makes users lose weight' That makes sense, it's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it."

"I cleaned my wood floors with furniture polish and now I'm a pretty pretty ice dancer."

"What do you call a Jew with heartburn? An acidic Jew."

"Q: Why are elephants big, wrinkled, grey, and hairy? A: Because if they were small, smooth, white, and hairless, they'd be aspirin tablets!"

"How did the Allies have time to prepare D-Day? Because Russia was Stalin"

"Holding a friend's phone for her. Just texted ""put a ring on it"" to five random male names. Stay tuned."

"If you're going through Hell, keep going."

"Woke up this morning after a hard night of boozing, stepped on the scale and I lost 3 pounds. There ya have it. Dignity weighs 3 pounds."