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Joke of the Day

"What do you call batman when he misses church? Christian Bail"

"What do you call a Muslim abortion clinic? counter terrorism"

"4: *hops in my lap* Mama, look at my picture! Me: Love it 4: See green M: Yep 4: And blue M: Mmhm 4: And red M: *flushes toilet* ok, hop up."

"HOW TO START A CONVERSATION ON THE BUS: Look longingly out the window and remark, ""Such a shame this is all just gonna burn."""

"I always say ""I was wondering when you'd find me"" when I get in my car. That way if someone's ever in the backseat I'll look cool as shit."

"My son's default mode is ""protester being dragged out of a political rally."""

"So a redditor was on a date with his girlfriend..."

"Saw a blonde taking a milk bath... I said: Is it pasturized? She said: No silly, it's only up to my tits."

"I just watched one kid call his twin brother ugly and now I'm just waiting for him to realize what that means"

"Twitter: Where #Hash is legal."