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Joke of the Day

"'Nothing like a real book' I say 'The scent, pages between my fingers- cracking the spine!' My tree girlfriend's parents sway uncomfortably"

"What has two legs and bleeds? Half of your dog...I hit it with my car."

"Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad? A: Senator."

"What do you call someone with a successful life? Certainly not me."

"Made love to my girlfriend like a Jedi last night. She said no so I used ""the force""."

"Hey Mom, I hate tomato soup... Mom: Shut up, you only have it once a month!"

"A planet died today I read about it in the orbituaries."

"Free shipping? I walked into an airport with two bags: ""I want this one to go to Chicago, and this one to go to Paris."" ""Sir, you can't do that."" ""Why not? It happened the last time."""

"If I can't pronounce your name after meeting you, you will from that point forward be addressed as ""bro."""

"Why don't Syrian Refugees play baseball? because they don't know where home is"