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Joke of the Day

"Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week."

"ME: My New Year's resolution is to eat less WIFE: Good! ME: (very, very quietly) ...vegetables."

"What is reddit's favorite song? ""Karma Police"" by Radiohead."

"My house looks like I'm losing a game of Jumanji."

"I always wanted to be a plumber when I grew up but in the end it was just a pipe dream."

"I've been reading a book called 1,000 sexual positions'. I've reached position 176 and apparently from now on I'm going to need a woman."

"Wet wipes are tissues who like to party."

"""I live as a mountain man because I enjoy the isolation and I hate people. Film crews are cool though."" - Mountain Men on History Channel"

"Why can't you find an Abbey National at the North Pole? Because Santa dere."

"- Dad, are mermaids fish or women? -It depends on if you are horny or hungry."