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Joke of the Day

"So I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup today.. I'm expecting a massive vowel movement."

" ! #16 UgarUp 2015 2015 ..."

"""I'm here for the orgy?"" - Things you shouldn't say when walking into a work meeting."

"Two fish are in a tank. One fish turns to the other and says ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"" The other fish says ""Holy shit a talking fish!"""

"My friend wants a fairy tale wedding, so I'm going to poison her. I hope that's what she meant."

"Daisy who? Knock knock Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? DAISY ME ROLLIN, THEY HATIN"

"My girlfriend left me 6 weeks ago because she thinks I'm immature. Now I'm all alone on Christmas day and crying my eyes out because Santa didn't come."

"The best stories ever told always end with the words""...and then I got the hell out of there."""

"How can you tell if someone is a chemistry major? They have a mole on their body."

"What do the Egyptians call a man who cannot keep his opinions to himself? IMHOtep"