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Joke of the Day
"Why did Jesus quit playing hockey? Because he kept getting nailed to the boards"
Next Joke
"The best part of being old for the holidays? Nobody bats an eye when you 'randomly fall asleep' in the middle of a conversation."
"Dating Tips 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Please. I am 36 and live with 2 guinea pigs."
"My facebook homepage has become a sea of 'who the fuck is that?'"
"I always wanted to know what it felt like to blow $85k So today I stood in front of Annex Hall and asked the first art major I saw."
"If I had to guess at the religion of Daniel Day Lewis... I would probably have to say Methodist   [What are the rules of Daniel Day Lewis?!](http://imgur.com/gallery/NDOov4L)"
"That rose tattoo on your ass was SO hot when you were 19. Now it looks like red cabbage"
"What did Arnold Schwarzenegger do after he retired? He became an ex-terminator!"
"Whats the difference between a smart midget and a venereal disease? Ones a cunning runt..."
"BOSS: You ok? ME: Yeah, why? BOSS: You have a sign that says ""2 Days Without Being Annoyed"" [maintaining eye contact, I change it to 0]"