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Joke of the Day

"If hillary nukes Russia I can see the headlines now ""Everyone in Moscow commits suicide"""

"What do you call an old barometer? Weathered."

"So there's this guy that does nothing but masturbate and watch Netflix all day... Oh wait... That's me."

"Did ya hear about the cannibal lion with a huge ego? He had to swallow his pride"

"HEY TWITTER IF I WANTED 10,000 CHARACTERS THAT I WASN'T INTERESTED IN I WOULD START WATCHING GAME OF THRONES"

"*Robot watches me vape* Robot: mm yeah but swallow it"

"Bad day? Just remember, there are folks that have their ex's name tattooed on their body. Merica."

"Where does a burger feel at home? On the range!"

"Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn't have borrowed all that money."

"GOD: hey can I have one of your ribs Adam: what for GOD: uhh science project Adam: you hate science GOD: look do u wanna get laid or not"