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Joke of the Day

"Did ya hear about the cannibal lion with a huge ego? He had to swallow his pride"

"Fine. I'll rush you to the hospital, but then we're doing what I want."

"I thought girls liked guys who are assholes? The entire subway ride I refused my seat to like 20 women and not one gave me their number."

"My mother is like cloud storage. Everyone shares her and i have no idea where she's located. Ps: I don't know if i phrased everything correctly."

"Who are the fastest readers? 9/11 victims- 100 storeys in 10 seconds"

"Will I become attractive if I swallow magnets?"

"""Your storage is full"" thanks Apple, I'll just go and delete some photos of friends and family, but at least I'll always have the stocks app"

"A friend of mine told me she worked as a prostitue for a while... I asked her if she'd ever been picked up by the fuzz. She hadn't, but she said she'd once been swung round by the tits."

"Amy Winehouse's final album was ""recorded before her death."" Thanks for the clarification."

"I invited Jim for dinner ""Jim from church or Jim who travels everywhere by catapult?"" [Loud thud on the roof] *sigh* ""I'll get the ladders"""