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Joke of the Day

"What do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night and your TV is floating? ""Man, wall mounts are awesome."""

"Airbags should deploy in the form of balloon animals. Sure, you've been in an accident, but now you have a whimsical puppy dog."

"Does anyone see this? Test post please respond"

"[speed dating] Me: Periods. Her: Huh? Me: Do they go inside the quotation mark or outside? Her: In the US or the UK? Me: Let's get married."

"I hate trying to wipe my ass without my glasses on I can't see shit"

"A space heater... would have to be huge."

"Did you hear about the gay football coach? He turns tight ends into wide receivers"

"Worst Geometry Joke I Know When does a Pentagon have only 4 sides? When it is intercepted by a plane."

"My daughter demanded she be treated like a princess... so I married her off to secure an alliance with the French."

"For Sale: Parachute Never opened, slightly stained."