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Joke of the Day

"I hate trying to wipe my ass without my glasses on I can't see shit"

"If one is an expert at tying knots, one does knot simply."

"There was a kidnapping at school! It's ok though, he woke up."

"What's E.T. short for? His legs are small."

"There were two peanuts walking down the street... ...and one was assaulted peanut."

"How do you starve a black guy? The same way you starve anyone else , you racist."

"What does Snoop Lion do when he forgets to wear oven mitts? Drops it like it's hot."

"*glamorously folds laundry *seductively wipes off countertops *slowly bends over to pick up toys *sexily trips over the cat..."

"As advertised I opened a can of evaporated milk today. It was empty."

"Women are like roaches Very hard to approach, but make a satisfying crunch when you smash them. Wait what"