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Joke of the Day

"My daughter demanded she be treated like a princess... so I married her off to secure an alliance with the French."

"The definition of spin"

"My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic..... But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord."

"Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom."

"What did one atom say to the other? ""I lost an electron..."" The other atom asks ""Are you sure?"" First atom replies, ""I'm positive!"""

"What's the most important part of a vegetable's golf stats? The handicap."

"Why did the puppeteer get out of jail? Because he ""pulled a few strings""!"

"[in bed] her: u have done this before, right? me: yes, of course. righty-tighty, lefty-loosey her: what? me: what?"

"Donald Trump sure likes making fun of boxing. What with all the lightweight insults"

"Wana hear a knock knock joke? Two guys walk into a bar..."