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Joke of the Day

"I am not fake. I am not a parody. I am the Lord thy God, King of the Universe, you cosmic dipshits."

"I like my coffee how I like my slaves. Made by slaves."

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, if they'll fit."

"Two college grads are standing at a counter... The one says to the other ""I'll have a number 6, super sized"""

"A man was fishing in the jungle. After a while another angler came to join him. ""Have you had any bites?"" asked the second man. ""Yes lots"" replied the first one ""but they were all mosquitoes."""

"What's the best way to find out if you have ticklish balls? Test Tickles"

"Good Friday. No. Stop, I said no. NO. BAD FRIDAY. BAD."

"Why did Hitler lose the war? Because his tanks wouldn't stop Stallin'."

"Rhinos produce 1,346,980 sperm cells per ejaculation... I guess its because they're always so horny..."

"It's not enough to get up at 8 am & freeze on the soccer field. One must also scream from the sidelines so everyone knows you care."