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Joke of the Day

"You know how they say ""Good guys finish last""? Maybe thats why my mistress has never had an orgasm..."

"Yesterday I fell, landed on my back, and could not roll over and get up. At the time I was wearing a Turtleneck Sweater."

"What's the definition of awful? Putting a bomb on a disabled person's back and telling him to run."

"So, this woman stopped to ask me if my hair color was ""supposed to look natural."" My hair is purple, guys. Purple."

"I bought a Female Golden retriever and named her Sophia... Because she's my Golden Girl."

"Q: Why don't Deputy Fire Marshals look out the window in the morning? A: So they have something to do in the afternoon."

"According to rom coms, I haven't met the perfect guy because I've never chased an important paper down the block in a gust of wind."

"If Trump wins tonight... He'll be the first person to go from P.O.S. to P.O.T.U.S."

"""look, you know i LOVE calling birds. love. but FOUR? jesus, phil, i don't have room for this shit and you knew that!"""

"Mo' money mo' problems might be true, but I'd still like to find out for myself."