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Joke of the Day

"Before she died... Bully: *poking and pushing me into lockers* Me: You suck I hate you! Bully: That's what my mom said before she died... Me: ...oh"

"What does a Syrian pirate say? Allah AkbARRR"

"Going to get a facial today... this guy on Craigslist is offering a way lower price than the salon!"

"I'm wearing my Superman t-shirt under my work shirt, which I'm sure the paramedics will find ironic after I throw myself out of the window."

"My Grandpa said,... ""Your generation relies too much on technology!"" I replied, ""No, your generation relies too much on technology!"" Then I unplugged his life support."

"Dont wanna cause any alarm.But hold off on the #HappyNewYear stuff.Just traveled 1 yr into the future.lets just say it went badly 4 all of u"

"Two guys walk into a bar They both had a concussion"

"If a tree falls on your wife, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? The real question is... why the hell was there a tree in your kitchen?"

"Yesterday a guy knocked on my door to ask for a small donation for an aquatic center being built in my town.. So I gave him a glass of water"

"Today, a hobo called me a beautiful princess, but he pronounced it ""I KNOW YOU HAVE CHANGE, YOU STUPID CRACKER BITCH!""."