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Joke of the Day

"Today, a hobo called me a beautiful princess, but he pronounced it ""I KNOW YOU HAVE CHANGE, YOU STUPID CRACKER BITCH!""."

"Shut up & eat. There are people starving in Abercrombie & Fitch."

"What did T say to reassure V? ""Don't worry. I'm right behind U."""

"My upstairs landlord asked if screams were coming from my apt or if she was dreaming. Either way, one of us has a terrifying neighbor."

"The words 'selfie' and 'twerk' have been added to the dictionary this year while 'charm' and 'dignity' have been removed."

"What's the difference between a women's track team and a tribe of smart pygmies? The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts."

"I understand the face situation but you don't have to be ugly on the inside too"

"A guy calls his boss and asks ""What's the difference between this morning and your wife?"" ""I'm not coming in *this morning*"""

"What is the difference between 'light' and 'hard'? I can sleep with a light on."

"A blind man walks into a bar. Then a chair. Then a table."