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Joke of the Day

"If you're worried about not getting a New Year's Eve kiss this year, just remember Valentine's Day is coming up and you're probably going to be alone for that, too."

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"What do nuns do? Nunthing"
"When you swallow a spider in your sleep, eat some dead flies the morning after to ensure the spider gives you a positive Trip Advisor rating"
"A girl asked me if I would like to see her pussy... ...and then she showed me her cat!"
"Have you heard the one about the suicidal farmer that liked to mutilate cows? He was a danger to himself and udders. Edit: Spelling"
"Who is a bee's favourite painter ? Pablo Beecasso !"
"Computers manufacturer is considering changing the command ""Press Any Key"" to ""Press Return Key"" because of the flood of calls asking where the ""Any"" key is."
"Newspaper and IPAD I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. ""Don't be silly"", she replied. ""Borrow my iPad."" .... That spider didn't knew what f***ing hit it."
"Why couldn't the octopus take off her bra? It had suction cups."
"Two sheep are in a field... One says ""Baaaaaaah"" The other one says, ""Fuck, I was gonna say that!"""