142318

Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross Kansas with a vulture? Carrion my wayward son"

"Why are flowering plants such good test takers? Because they have all of the anthers!"

"I'm writing a book on how to be sneaky... ...It's a lurk in progress."

"Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps she brings down the bridge too"

"I'm giving up alcohol for a month. Wait sorry, that didn't come out right : I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month."

"What do you call a dinosaur with herpes? ...a Cankersaurus!"

"[1st day undercover] Me: [to gang of street punks] what up dongs? Voice through earpiece: OMG its DAWGS u idiot Me: is ur gang hiring today?"

"Me: *crawls in window* Him: What are you doing?! Me: You're my boyfriend now? Him: I'm calling the cops Me: But you retweeted me??"

"This year I decided I am going back to the real roots of Thanksgiving and celebrating it in the traditional fashion. I will be handing out smallpox blankets to Native Americans."

"I am wearing a jacket, because my mom felt cold."