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Joke of the Day

"I am wearing a jacket, because my mom felt cold."

"Sometimes instagram almost makes me wish I went outside."

"You'd think your skeleton would get soggy, but doesn't. Good work, skeleton."

"I neither like nor want to date Taylor Swift, but I know at some point it'll just be my turn."

"Someone told me they could beat me in a photoshop battle. Adobe'd it."

"Do you know what happens when you eat too many wontons? You weigh wonton!"

"I hate when people text 'call me'. I'm going to start calling people, say 'text me' and then hang up."

"I once saw a slice of toast in a zoo. It was bread in captivity."

"A man walks into a bar and tells a joke that has been posted on reddit before. I only know because no one would shut the fuck up about it."

"If your name is Brian and your home WiFi isn't called ""Bri-Fi"", what are you doing?"