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Joke of the Day

"I searched deep in the anals of history and found nothing but shit... Or ""The annals of history are mostly full of shit..."" *maybe that can be an adage or something?"

"North Korea is becoming like that annoying person that always threatens to close their Twitter account from lack of attention."

"Exactly how many good deeds do you have to commit to get into Heaven? I'm talking bare minimum here."

"Things more likely to kill you than Ebola: - choking on a wheat thin - erotic asphyxiation - falling off the toilet - a duck with a gun"

"I saw a man convulsing on the ground and jacking off... ...I thought he was having a seizure. Turned out he was just having a stroke!"

"God made us all different. But when He got to China He thought...to hell with it... Copy, paste, copy, paste"

"Friendzone at its' best How to make friends tell a woman you love her, she'll say ""I think we are good as friends"""

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten."

"I was feeling depressed, then saw a guy with one arm and thought ""oh man, I could be getting so much more sympathy if I was missing an arm!"""

"I saw a bumper sticker today..... I saw a bumper sticker today that said, ""My child has more chromosomes than yours (:"" .....what a retarded sense of humor"