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Joke of the Day

"1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There's no episode where a man asks a woman 'what's wrong?'"

"I can produce silver just by sniffing. Smelt it with my own nose. **I'll show myself out**"

"I'd just like to say I called Katy Perry's popularity the first time I saw the ""I Kissed a Girl"" music video. Also, I am tone deaf."

"I'm not superstitious, I'm just kindastitious!!!"

"I've lost most of my hearing, but it's okay because it turns out the only thing people say to me is ""nothing, nevermind."""

"Lite: the new way to spell ""Light,"" now with 20% fewer letters!"

"My wife said she's leaving me due to my obsession with breakfast cereals. I replied cheerios then."

"You know what they say about amnesia... No, really. Do you know?"

"What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time *door closes on way out*"

"Two blondes at the movie:"" Pst, the guy next to me is masturbating!""says one ""just ignore him"" answers her friend. ""But I can't ! He's using my hand!""replies the first blonde"