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Joke of the Day

"waiter and customer Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup. - And what do you expect for this price? A whole wig?!"

"I texted my girl saying who sang ""Party Rock Anthem"". She replied ""LMFAO"". I don't get what's so fucking funny?"

"Sephora is my favorite place to fart."

"Whats the difference between you and a bucket of turds? The bucket"

"Who is tall, orange-skinned, blatantly racist, should not be a politician, and makes everyone groan whenever he appears on TV? Jar Jar Binks"

"*gets into any creepy van* *Gets kicked out*"

"'My boobs fall to the side when I lay down' is the new 'my boobs are real.'"

"The iron vein ran out... It was only a minor issue though."

"How many lawyers does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thick you slice 'em."

"The second fastest thing in a bathroom is the speed in which your butt-hole closes after a log comes out, but what is the fastest thing in a bathroom? The drop of water that makes it in."