197901

Joke of the Day

"Two angels run out of weed... One angel is very upset but the other consoles him. ""fear not,"" he says and points at Jesus. ""for he has resin."""

"My wife has cancer and the doctor has prescribed heavy morphine doses for the pain and distress. It works, when I have taken them I can hardly hear her crying at all."

"If Shakespeare were alive today, he'd write a tragedy about the fate of the single French fry that comes with every order of onion rings."

"Me: I really don't have any bad habits to speak of. Her: So you have no bad habits? Me: No, I have plenty! Just none I'd want to speak of."

"All out of clean spoons so I guess I'll just eat this fat free yogurt with my gun."

"I was a bit skeptical when someone told me there were three holes in the ground. Well well well"

"It's stupid to just ask ""where"" a sorority girl is when the more accurate question is ""where in Target"" is she."

"Why has Hillary Clinton ask Santa for a 23 letter alphabet? Because she's sick of F.B.I"

"Girl, are you a homeless horse? Because you look unstable."

"So bartenders are starting to make a drink called the ""Hurricane Sandy""... Essentially, it's a just a watered-down Manhattan."