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Joke of the Day

"When I die and doctors perform an autopsy, they'll probably find twenty pounds of stickers off of fruit in my intestines"

"Whenever a guy peeps into my phone, I open the front cam and take a selfie with him."

"What browser do you use to watch porn? Bill Gates: ""Internet Explorer"" Sundar Pichai: ""Google Chrome"" Tim Cook: ""Safari"" Jared Fogle: ""Tor"""

"[first date] I just love that you are a normal, cool girl. *subtly slides macaroni art of your face back under my chair* -Yeah, totally."

"Wow, I wish people were into politics as much as they're into sports. *meets someone who's really into politics* Wow, I wish I was dead."

"How does a potato keep up with it's friends? With Google chromosome+"

"What did the pony say when it had a sore throat? Sorry I'm a little horse!"

"Where did the team get there uniforms? New Jersey"

"Why did the grain call his sister ""momma""? Because he was in bread!"

"I'm not superstitious, I'm just kindastitious!!!"