140877

Joke of the Day

"I just won $1,000,000, and I've decided to give a quarter to charity. Now I have $999,999.75."

"Hey Dad, The airport called, if you don't turn down your TV, they're filing a complaint."

"Interviewer: Any special skills? Me: Eclairvoyance. Him: I don't understand. Me: There's a box of donuts in your desk Him: YOU KNOW TOO MUCH"

"When a band has Z's where S's should be in their name, I'm like, ""Woah, watch out! These bad boys aren't playing by society's rules."""

"What kind of clothes do lawyers wear? Lawsuits."

"A leading rabbi has ruled that marijuana is kosher Now we know what kids are gonna be doing for the Jewish High Holidays..."

"*in-flight announcement* A SNICKERS IS JUST A MARS BAR WITH PEANUTS *struggling noises* PEOPLE HAVE A RIGHT TO KN-"

"If you watch COPS backwards it's just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs"

"Where do weirdos ride their bicycles? Psycho-paths. (as told by one of my coworkers)"

"THE DOCTOR WITH HIS PATIENT The doctor to the patient: You are very sick' The patient to the doctor: Can I get a second opinion?' The doctor again: Yes, you are very ugly too...'"