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Joke of the Day
"What happens when you put your hand in a jar of jelly beans The black ones steal your watch"
Next Joke
"Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead."
"A Roman walks into a bar He holds up two fingers and says to the bartender, ""Five beers, please."""
"Spending this evening saving Princess Zelda, because Princess Zelda has never 'accidentally' hooked up with her Sociology T.A. while abroad."
"My boss always gets angry at me when we golf together, for some reason. All I do is compliment him on his subpar golfing skills"
"Tip: if you often say things like ""there is no i in team but there *is* one in incompetence"" they won't ask you to mentor new coworkers."
"We live in a time where ""He is hot"" is more important than ""He is a nice guy."""
"On an analog clock, 6:30 is the best time of day... Hands down"
"My daddy always warned me about the 3 rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering."
"My girlfriend used Vaseline on a handjob today. I came three times in the shower trying to wash it off."