147130

Joke of the Day

"Spending this evening saving Princess Zelda, because Princess Zelda has never 'accidentally' hooked up with her Sociology T.A. while abroad."

"dont read space facts to try to calm yourself down bc it doesnt work.for example the moon is not round it is shaped like an egg. im furious"

"The 70s had it right. Back then, ugly people were allowed to make music."

"Women only call me ugly untill they find out how much money I make Then they call me ugly & poor"

"If there's a pistachio that's difficult to open, I'll just move right on to another because life is short and so is my god damn temper"

"There are poor, helpless kids in Africa who really need our help. But there's also kids with machine guns so I'm not going."

"My grandad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed. ""It's worth spending money on good speakers,"" he told me."

"I met a Japanese mathematician yesterday Japanese Mathematician: ""Acknowledge my presence, zero"" Me: ""Can you elaborate in mathematical terms?"" Japanese Mathematician: ""Notice me sin(pi)"""

"Did you hear about the teacher who had eye problems? She couldn't control her pupils."

"I tried to rob a binoculars store today... But they saw me coming a mile away"