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Joke of the Day

"Spending this evening saving Princess Zelda, because Princess Zelda has never 'accidentally' hooked up with her Sociology T.A. while abroad."

"""Would you like to partake in resistance training?"" ""No."" ""That's what I like to hear."""

"So I brought a girl home from the bar last night... When we got to bed, she said ""Give me twelve inches and make me bleed!"" So I fucked her twice and punched her in the face."

"I love Instagram's new direct messaging feature because I've always thought, ""If only this picture of someone's dinner was just for me."""

"Good dancer Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet."

"A one-word joke that'll make any Australian laugh Politics."

"You are what you eat? *eats Natalie Portman*"

"Cop: You were speeding so I'm going to be giving you a ticket Me: Ooh, could I win something Cop: Sort of, 2 more of these & you get a bike"

"What's long, hard, goes in a vagina, out of a vagina, and leaves a whore feeling good about herself? An abortion hook."

"My barber is a specialist in road map shaves. How come? When he's finished your face is full of short cuts."