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Joke of the Day

"""I've had enough of your shit"" ~ toilet paper on strike."

"What do you call a pig that votes? Polled pork."

"I bet the best massage in the world is getting attacked by a toothless shark."

"My friends are baffled that I gave up the single life for my European wife and wonder why I don't chase girls anymore. It's because she keeps me in Czech."

"What do Native Americans call vegetarians? Poor hunters"

"Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on."

"Women- God's version of a Rubik's cube."

"Wife: Did you want to go to Comic Con? Me: *Google searches 'Is Emilia Clarke going to be on the Game of Thrones panel at Comic Con'* ""No"""

"[first date] I'm really nervous about this. It's been a long time since I've [holds fork up and squints] used silverware."

"This guy at speed dating asked if I have any weird tattoos I was like lol not if you love The Golden Girls."