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Joke of the Day

"The morning after a long night of drinking, I went to buy a flower arrangement. The guy at the counter asked me if I had been drinking. I said, ""No. I woke up like this. Florist."""

"What is the difference between feminists and Nazis? One group has a purpose and lots of support and the other is full of nagging women."

"A man walks into a library to check out a book for men with small penises. The librarian looks on her computer and says, ""I don't know if it's in yet."" ""Yeah that's the one"""

"Six words that strike fear in the hearts of parents everywhere: You've been volunteered as a chaperone"

"If your toilet paper roll is on the wrong way, I'll fix it and then never come over again."

"Scared the postman by going to the door naked. I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived."

"Sports Authority must be a publisher now... ..All I hear now are discussions about Chapter 7 and Chapter 11!"

"Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? So people don't confuse them for feminists."

"Seafaring language makes me uncomfortable, so no, I would not like a chips ahoy cookie or any other maritime treats, thank you."

"Oxygen and Magnesium are going out OMg!!"