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Joke of the Day

"Mexico's president says he will not go to the U.S. for a meeting with Trump The wall's not even finished and it kept a Mexican out!"

"I'm not sure if Steve Jobs got into heaven... God's a bit touchy about apples..."

"Tequila! Vodka! Whiskey! I'm calling the shots."

"Whats the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage? I don't know I just fly the drone."

"NARRATOR: When camping be wary of savage bears trying to take your food *camera pans to a bear holding glass of wine with a wtf expression"

"Why are lesbians superstitious? Because they are always knocking on wood."

"A police officer confronts a man who he thinks is high on marijuana. ""How high are you?"" He asks. ""No,you said it wrong, it's 'Hi! How are you?'"""

"WHAT are birds so happy about at 7am? What? Oh, right. Pooping while airborne. Good one."

"Brings donuts to work because if I can't be skinny neither can you."

"Marvel is making a ""Winter Soldier"" standalone film and I get to play his roly poly sidekick. They call me...the ""Summer Sausage"""