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Joke of the Day
"*Michael Cera presses too hard with a crayon and breaks his wrist*"
Next Joke
"Elon Musk has decided to abandon his dream of going to Mars and pursue a career in perfume sales. In honor of the canceled Mars program he will be debuting 'SpaceAxe', a signature Elon ""Musk""."
"Past, Present and Future walk into a bar... It was tense."
"Me: *Reaches over, cuts up food, says ""open wide"" & starts making airplane noises* Guy: *stunned silence* -Single Mama on a date"
"What do you call a country full of animals that eat a lot and sleep for many months at a time? High-Bear-Nation! ^^*Shit* ^^*where's* ^^*the* ^^*door*"
"Wife wants to relax today! Wife: Today, I want to relax, so I have brought three movie tickets. Husband: why three tickets? Wife: you and your parents."
"Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?"
"it might be a handjob for her... but it's a career for me."
"What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? Your job still sucks"
"[vet office] Hi I am here to drop my cat off. Just a check-up. *doctor walks out* ""Hi, I am Dr. Curiosity we- I'll take my cat elsewhere"