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Joke of the Day

"Walked into the gym and did 1 push up in front of everyone, then ripped off my shirt and walked out grunting 'You did it. You did it.'"

"Girl, are you my funny bone? Cause you're humerus."

"Who is Thor? A very worn-out thuper hero. (An excerpt from Brother Time and the Turtle: More Excuses for Jokes: http://amzn.com/B00BERRBI2)"

"Jealously is something you're good at when you suck at everything else."

"Why do athletes prefer nuns to time their laps? Because when a nun times anything it's zero. (0*n=0) :D"

"Why were 80% of Chicago police dash cams broken? Because you need to warm up before you kill a nigga."

"I can totally relate to batteries I'm not included in anything either."

"A guy who hates vegans, a guy who hates atheists, and a guy who hates people who do crossfit walk into a bar. And I know this because they won't shut the fuck up about it."

"What should Bernie Sanders' next presidential campaign be called? Hindsight is 2020"

"Why is it good for a mason to live in constant fear? That way he just shits bricks."